20.
I don't know how I feel about being 20. I love the freedom, but I hate being alone. I can't wait to get going, but not quite ready to leave. Felix and I agree... It's been a lot of change lately. Not all bad. Not all good.
Adjusting back to life in the States was a bit harder than I thought it would be.
I miss it...
Our worlds are so different. There are sweet, sweet moments in mine, and sweet, sweet moments in theirs. There is pain, loss and confusion there... and we've felt it here too. It may look different, but we really do have more in common than what I originally thought. The same sun that shines down on the streets where the orphans play, shines across my face and wakes me up in the morning. The same God that holds their hands, holds me too...
It was only a couple days after getting home from Haiti that I packed my bags and headed up to Iowa. After a day of being in Cedar Falls, plans changed. There was a glitch in the plan, and pretty soon the whole trip was completely different than what I'd hoped it would be...
I have a tendency to be pretty stubborn on things.
Sometimes I chase love that never was. Waste time on the silliest of things... and it takes me forever to understand that God's trying so hard to get me to move on to better, healthier, and a happier place. His plan IS better after all...
Thank God for family.
Thank God for coffee and those big, comfy purple chairs at Starbucks.
Thank God for those who will sit with me while I cry and try to figure stuff out... And don't judge me when I run in circles over the same problem, but instead try turn my focus to God.
Sometimes I need to be reminded that while the world is changing, there are a few things that aren't going anywhere. Like home. Minds can be changed, words can be taken back, and in one moment things aren't what we thought they were... but at the end of the day, I know where I can go.
There's a song in there somewhere. I just need to find it.
Hearts break so easily, but God is the best at healing. It's not that I'm okay with being hurt, because let's face it - it's down right awful, but... it's when I hurt the most that I find out how great my God is. No pain is ever too deep for Him to reach.
I have decided this week to release some relationships that I don't have the ability to fix. I can't fix them, but God can... and He will... in time.
So, in this time of change, I can honestly say that my heart is okay. At least I know now that some things stay the same. The important things. The important relationships. They don't go anywhere. They aren't just important to me, they are important to God and He takes care of them. He's on our side. :)
As I'm writing this... my eyes are falling shut. Felix is asleep on my feet and "The Proposal" is playing on my DVD player. Sleep is starting to look pretty good.
There are some pretty exciting things going on this week... Lots of new, fun things :) I'm ready for this...
Dove Awards are tomorrow.
Speaking of.
I need to pick out my dress.
Oh joy.
NiNi. :)
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