Why Did This Have To Happen?!

Let me just start this blog by saying this: I am not usually a pansy. Well... not usually. 

If I see a spider,  I don't cry. I'll try new foods, gladly. I got some guts. 

Snakes on the other hand... I don't do. I never have been a fan of those nasty little buggers. 

So here I am, minding my own business... making an amazing lunch at my home with Katie. I decided I'd be a good room mate and take the garbage out... *shakes head*... Upon opening the front door and taking a step outside I saw a tail disappearing down the top step. I started praying that it was a lizard... Sadly, it wasn't. 

Pretty soon I was standing behind my shut door, screaming like a little girl, and peering out the side window. I pulled Katie (who was also screaming like a little girl) over to look at it so she would know I wasn't crazy and there really was a ginormous snake chillin' out in my front yard.

Here is the conversation that followed:

Callie: WHAT IS THIS SNAKE DOING ALL UP IN MY LIFE?!

Katie: *Screams* I'm never going outside again!

Callie: So much for that run I was going to take...

*Runs to bedroom to look out the window*

Callie: I think SharpTooth (Yes, we named the snake) is trying to get into my house...

Katie: Did you lock the front door?

Callie: ..................No.

Katie: CALLIE!!! DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!??!?!?!?!

*runs and locks door*

Then we see our neighborhood kids riding bikes up and down the street. Because we are too afraid to open windows or doors we decide to scream at the window: WATCH OUT FOR SNAKES!! 

Callie: Wait... I'll give you 5$ if you take my trash out! 

So. Did we overreact? Um. Yeah. Probably. But I laughed instead of passing out. Good times. Good times. 

I would also like to thank our friend, Kaley Kelsey. We're too afraid to leave the house... so she's coming to get us... tomorrow. 

We'll be here... waiting. 

This Friday night has me sitting in my living room. It is 11:05pm and the TV is showing me reruns of "That 70's Show". My guitar has been played, the dryer is running and my journal has been written in. This, ladies and gentlemen, is what I call a thrilling Friday night...

But in all seriousness, this is e.x.a.c.t.l.y. what I was envisioning when all my wonderful friends were discussing their weekend plans :) I'm loving the quiet. 

So tonight I learned a very important lesson. My friend, Katie, and I like to have random late night cookie baking events at my house. Usually these events aren't planned... or even discussed until our phones ring with a text that say something like: Bad day. Wanna bake?- and it's over. Bring on the sweet tea and cheap chocolate chip cookies that only require you to break it into pieces and throw them in the oven. Pretty soon it's 2 am and our days don't seem so bad... :) 

So my important lesson? We should really start planning these things... I left my house to grab cookies at 10pm... and it took f.o.r.e.v.e.r. to find an open grocery store. (Thank you, Wal-Mart...) How hard does it gotta be for a girl to find cookies? It was a close call... So I decided to stock up a bit. Left a note on fridge: Dear Roomy- Please excuse the large amount of Tollhouse Cookie Dough rolls in the fridge. It's been a minute. Knew you'd understand. - Cal. 

These last few weeks have been pretty crazy... staying busy with writing, traveling to Iowa, and with people that I love :) Every day God reminds me just how lucky a girl I am to have these people in my life...

Katie is here. The oven is pre-heating. And my laundry is in need of folding. Oh Happy :) 

This is where I promise to get better at writing more regularly. 

Peace. :) 

reason #203,944 why this is the best year of my life.

I was thinking about this on my way home tonight: This year is by far the most interesting year of my life. God's given me so many awesome opportunities. So many amazing people. So many hilarious (sometimes awkward) stories. Don't get me wrong- there have been some rough lessons and definitely some loss in this last year, but God wasn't kidding when He said He uses ALL things for our good. This makes all the crap totally worth it. 

Tonight. One of those hilarious... yet slightly not moments. For the last week we have had a photo shoot in the works. This shoot takes place tomorrow. I decided to go to a Kris Allen concert tonight at the Mercy Lounge in downtown Nash. When they found out I was only 20 they sent me to another line where a guy grabbed my hand and drew these lovely pictures on my little hands with the largest most permanent looking marker I've ever seen in my life:

Beautiful, huh? Sure it will translate onto camera well tomorrow. As he drew it on one hand I gasped. Before I could get a word out... both of my hands had large X's on them. Now listen, I TOTALLY understand why they do this. I'm all about it and had absolutely NO plans of getting into trouble so I didn't want to fight them... but I did care that I had 2 large X's on my hand... and I was slightly shocked because I didn't see that coming. No big deal, I guess. I will probably spend most of my night awake scrubbing them off. Who needs sleep? *sigh* 

So. I learned a lesson. 

Oh. It gets better: As I'm driving out of the venue my manager jumps in front of my car... so I rolled my window down and displayed my lovely hand-art. We sat there a few short minutes discussing the less painful ways of removing this before we see the photographer tomorrow morning. Joy. 

If anyone has any helpful ideas and would like to share before 8am tomorrow... give me a shout :) 

Thank you, God for keeping me guessing. It's never boring here.  

"What Would Katy Perry Do?"

I have not written in forever, blogger. And for this I am sorry. Things have been so busy, chaotic and just plain Cuh-Razy that whenever I think about writing, my brain starts to hurt. 

I guess it's a good thing to be busy though. I have been at writing sessions 3-4 times a week. It's been awesome, but after this many songs you start to ask God if there are any more songs that can be written. ;-)

But thankfully all of the people that I have been able to write with have been so awesome and I'm super glad to call them friends.  You learn a lot of things about people whilst writing. People do silly things to get inspired like tap the walls, pull out a mini baseball bat out of their bag, look out the window (this distracts me.), go to www.rhymezone.com, or eat a banana... (the banana is mine :-P) 

I'm also learning a lot about myself as an artist and a writer. I feel like these last few weeks have been really helpful in learning what's important to me and what music really is about. Does it mean having a radio single? Or singing something that stirs up my heart and the hearts of others?

I did have a co-write with a guy who was searching to have a #1 on the radio. That is definitely not an uncommon goal in Nashville. My heart told me to walk away when he suggested that I ask myself, "What would Katy Perry do?" whenever I was stuck on a line. For some reason that didn't sit well with me. Made me laugh, but not really my style. Why? Because I am not Katy Perry. Do I listen to her? Um. Sometimes when I'm jammin' in my car, but that's the extent of that. Oh. Silly pop writers. Thankful for the experience though... even though we have different tastes in writing, he really was a cool dude.  

It is officially summer here in Nashville. The weather has been in the 90's the last few days and today was a record high! I'm just hoping to have some time one of these days to lay out by the pool and enjoy it. :) We have been seeing a little rain almost every day though.

Yesterday I was outside pushing Olivia (the 2 year old that I nanny.) on the swing and I saw the most amazing sky. I have seen the sky plenty of times, but never like this. Half the sky was B.R.I.G.H.T. blue with the whitest clouds I've ever seen and the other half was dark and stormy. The dark clouds were just about to cover the sun and they literally looked like they were lined with silver where the sunlight was peaking out. That description doesn't even come close to what it was. In an instant it made me realize how small I really am (bring on the short jokes...) and how big God is. My little world is soooo puny in the scheme of things. My worries, my troubles, and even all the awesome things... are just a vapor. Here one day and gone the next. ...and now that may sound sad or depressing, but in that moment, I felt totally freed from the stress that I had been feeling. Thank You, Jesus. 

In the last few weeks I have lost some things. My car was totalled, my dog is staying somewhere else while I work these crazy 12 hour days, and any free time has vanished (minus the half hour of sleep that I'm missing to write this)... but I'm thankful for the reminder that these are all temporary things, there are greater things... and in the end, God is on our side. What else could possibly matter?

This is all quite ramble-esque, but hey... that's not unusual for me. ;) 

Praying for my friends. I miss you all terribly. I will come out from all of this busy-ness soon and I'm so thankful to know we will pick up right where we left off.

Good.Night. 

Honesty.

NewsFLASH: 

Sara Bareilles released her new single today. And it feels like Christmas. 

I wonder if it's a thing that only musicians do... or if all people count down song releases and wake up dancing when the glorious morning comes. 

I was not disappointed. I'm a huge fan of "King Of Anything". It's pretty much my last 6 months written into a song. Good job, Sara. I'm not even joking right now. Go listen. 

http://www.popeater.com/2010/05/10/sara-bareilles-king-of-anything/

It has inspired to write a real honest song today. It may even consist of a little bit of a 'tude. 

Good. 

Bring it. 

We. Are. Nashville.

These last few days have felt like a blur... but when I sit down and see all that still needs to be done and all of the buildings that are STILL under water... it makes me wish time would speed up. I'm starting to really miss my city just being okay. 

I've thought about leaving. I miss showers. Doing the dishes. Running the washer. Using the sink... but the truth is: I know I'm small ... and maybe I can't tear down walls (and should really stay away from people who are...), but I have two hands that work just fine and I know God has a purpose for me here. That's something I can't ignore. This is my home. This is something I've said for a long time... but now it's something that I know. Home is a place that you don't leave just because things get tough. Home is full of people that make you smile even when you wanna cry a little. This is home. 

Tons of benefits and concerts are already happening. Thousands and thousands of people are getting out every day to pick up... We are sharing our stories and listening... I love this. 

I just want to say this: I am SO proud to be apart of this town. 

-"I've never seen a community pull together so quickly after a disaster." - Anderson Cooper

So... We kind of rock, Nashville, and after the last few days... I'd say we definitely deserve a serious pat on the back. 

-Cal. 

P.s.- Heard this tonight and smiled... so true:

You know you're in Nashville when you find guitar picks in parking lots like others find pennies.

good.night. 

This is What I Know.

Nashville is hurting. As most of you have probably heard, our town has been hit with unbelievable flooding. 

I found myself holding my breath as we drove past downtown. I can't even tell you what it was like seeing the water rising up past the Country Music Hall of Fame and up over buildings on 1st and 2nd avenue. It seemed so quiet. That's not the Nashville that I know... but... this is my home. 

I don't know how to explain the emotions that are playing tug-of-war in my heart tonight... I am so thankful that my friends here are safe. I am so i.n.c.r.e.d.i.b.l.y. lucky to have a dry home for I know many who don't and have been crashing on couches... And we all know... there's really no place like home. I am thankful for electricity. I am thankful that Felix is with me. I am thankful that we are alive. 

At the same time... my heart is smashed. Half of this city is under water. At first I cried because I felt that all of the places that make this place so awesome have been destroyed... but then God reminded me that it is the people that I am in love with. The people make this place what it is. We will replace those buildings.  All while singing songs like "Chicken Fried", "Hicktown" and "She's Country" ... I'm sure. 

So in the craziness of what has been the last few days I have remembered the advice of a good friend and made lists in my mind of what I know.

I know that God is at work. Saving people's lives and stopping the water from rising any further.

I know that things that are held and buildings can be replaced.

I know that miracles are happening here ALL AROUND. It really is amazing.

I know that God works out all things for good and He hasn't forgotten us.

I know that Naomi Judd's fence broke during the flood and now Nashville has wild buffalo roaming the streets. 

I know that if any city can bounce back from a disaster like this - it's Nashville. 

And I know that my life will be changed.

I will never forget watching the news and seeing the footage of what was happening 10 minutes from my home. 

I will never forget driving by LP stadium and seeing it flooded with water.

Seeing boats used as transportation on the roads that I would drive down every day. 

Seeing photos of The Grand Ole Opry stage... and seeing that it is completely flooded with water. 

I know that God has made us promises. And I know that He will keep them. 

Psalm 9:9-10

 ⁹ The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, 
       a stronghold in times of trouble.

 ¹⁰ Those who know your name will trust in you, 

       for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

So now it is time for us to find our strength in God, stand up and show this flood what Nashville is made of. 

Like a Lake...

I've been back from Haiti for 2 weeks now. 16 days really. I hate to keep writing about how hard it has been adjusting back to this life. I mean for crying out loud... I grew up here and I've always lived this way. How does one week change everything? I don't know... I really don't... but it did. 

I feel like a real spiritual battle started in my heart the moment I stepped back into the U.S. I'm fighting this by making a choice to spend as much time talking with God and reading His word as often as possible. In every spare moment. Knowing that this will pass. My heart was broken in Haiti. I can't help but feel tremendous guilt as I lay in my large bed, food filling my cupboards, a family that loves, a roof over my head that I know will not cave in on me, and more than enough "things" cluttering up my home. 

I began to feel my heart shut down in some ways. It was overwhelming me and I just didn't feel like I had the time to deal with it. Words didn't seem to do the ache in my heart justice. I talked with my good friend Al, and he picked up on this and told me that while it is okay to hide out for a while and process these things... I should never shut God out. God's going to be pivotal in the healing and showing me what part I can play in the restoration of Jacmel. 

I feel like a curtain has been lifted and I have seen a whole new world. There are things that I like and things that leave me in tears. There is sin in both of our worlds. There is no hiding from it.

I think of heaven and it fills me with hope. Jesus has mansions up their for my friends in Jacmel. Our names are written there. What a day it will be when we see their faces as they first stand up on ground that doesn't shake. How great God is. 

So rather than think on the guilt. I will remember their joy. Their hands reaching up to the sky while they're singing, "My God has not forgotten me." So rather than shut up my heart... I want to lay it out.

I was listening to Sara Groves today in the car. Her song "Like a Lake" played, and while I have heard this song countless of times, it struck me in a totally different way. This helped me change my heart and my mind... I want to love and be like a lake. 

"Like A Lake" Sara Groves.

so much hurt and preservation 
like a tendril round my soul 
so much painful information 
no clear way on how to hold it 

when everything in me is tightening 
curling in around this ache 
I will lay my heart wide open 
like the surface of a lake 
wide open like a lake 

standing at this waters edge 
looking in at God's own heart 
I've no idea where to begin 
to swallow up the way things are 

everything in me is drawing in 
closing in around this pain 
I will lay my heart wide open 
like the surface of a lake 
wide open like a lake 

bring the wind and bring the thunder 
bring the rain till I am tried 
when it's over bring me stillness 
let my face reflect the sky 

and all the grace and all the wonder 
of a peace that I can't fake 
wide open like a lake 

everything in me is tightening 
curling in around this ache 
I am fighting to stay open 
I am fighting to stay open 
open open oh wide open 
open like a lake

So.

I am healing. God is doing a work on my heart... It's just going to take some time for me to fully process it all. 

Thank goodness for my friends who were with me on the trip. We have bonded over our homesickness for our Haiti friends and we have all felt the guilt.

Good news: 30 kids have been sponsored in the last 3 weeks!  30 kids! 30 more children are getting fed, going to school and getting clothed. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. 

Check it out:

www.restorehaiti.epiccreativity.com

Road trips : Disappointment : Coffee : Hope : Faith.

20. 

I don't know how I feel about being 20. I love the freedom, but I hate being alone. I can't wait to get going, but not quite ready to leave. Felix and I agree... It's been a lot of change lately. Not all bad. Not all good. 

Adjusting back to life in the States was a bit harder than I thought it would be.  

I miss it...

Our worlds are so different. There are sweet, sweet moments in mine, and sweet, sweet moments in theirs. There is pain, loss and confusion there... and we've felt it here too. It may look different, but we really do have more in common than what I originally thought. The same sun that shines down on the streets where the orphans play, shines across my face and wakes me up in the morning. The same God that holds their hands, holds me too...

It was only a couple days after getting home from Haiti that I packed my bags and headed up to Iowa. After a day of being in Cedar Falls, plans changed. There was a glitch in the plan, and pretty soon the whole trip was completely different than what I'd hoped it would be...

I have a tendency to be pretty stubborn on things.

 Sometimes I chase love that never was. Waste time on the silliest of things... and it takes me forever to understand that God's trying so hard to get me to move on to better, healthier, and a happier place. His plan IS better after all...

Thank God for family. 

Thank God for coffee and those big, comfy purple chairs at Starbucks.  

Thank God for those who will sit with me while I cry and try to figure stuff out... And don't judge me when I run in circles over the same problem, but instead try turn my focus to God. 

Sometimes I need to be reminded that while the world is changing, there are a few things that aren't going anywhere. Like home. Minds can be changed, words can be taken back, and in one moment things aren't what we thought they were... but at the end of the day, I know where I can go. 

There's a song in there somewhere. I just need to find it. 

Hearts break so easily, but God is the best at healing. It's not that I'm okay with being hurt, because let's face it - it's down right awful, but... it's when I hurt the most that I find out how great my God is. No pain is ever too deep for Him to reach. 

I have decided this week to release some relationships that I don't have the ability to fix. I can't fix them, but God can... and He will... in time. 

So, in this time of change, I can honestly say that my heart is okay. At least I know now that some things stay the same. The important things. The important relationships. They don't go anywhere. They aren't just important to me, they are important to God and He takes care of them. He's on our side. :)

As I'm writing this... my eyes are falling shut. Felix is asleep on my feet and "The Proposal" is playing on my DVD player. Sleep is starting to look pretty good. 

There are some pretty exciting things going on this week... Lots of new, fun things :) I'm ready for this... 

Dove Awards are tomorrow. 

Speaking of. 

I need to pick out my dress. 

Oh joy. 

NiNi. :) 

I Am Not Forgotten.

"I am not forgotten. I am not forgotten. I am not forgotten. God knows my name" is a little diddy sung by my favorite group of kiddos here at the church in Jacmel, Haiti. It's been repeating in my heart all day. While I'm getting ready, while I'm clearing rubble, while we are cooking lunch and passing out plates for the feeding program... even after I've closed my eyes at night. 

Tomorrow is our last full day in Haiti. I miss warm showers, I miss my car... I miss my family, but I can tell you this: I will miss them too. Today we heard stories from some of the families that were with us. They told us where they were when the earthquake hit. My friend Wendell lost so many friends. Wendell is 14 and speaks English pretty well. She's taught me so much Creole this week. We've laughed sooo much and we have so much in common. I like music. She likes music. We both like to play games with the kids. I am fascinated by her hair and she is fascinated with mine. She is from Port Au Prince. I will miss her. 

There are so many kids here, but there are 5 or 6 that I know by name. When it is silent I can hear their voices. "I am not forgotten. I am not forgotten. I am not forgotten. God knows my name." Marie. Harley. Steve. Gaelle. Mena. Jimson. Michaellin. Wendell...

Jimson is one of my favorites. He's 5 and doesn't know much English. He usually only communicates with me by animal sounds. He is quite fluent in dog. His laugh is contagious and he is fascinated by my nose ring. Silly, kid. 

I met my sponsor child, Gaelle. Ruebens, (our translator) grabbed her for me and introduced us. She was so shy and quiet until he told her who I was. She immediately ran to me and threw her arms around her neck. She is quite a quiet little gal, but that girl can love on people. She likes to sit on my lap and wrap my arms around her. I gave her bubbles and a sucker. I'm telling you, those kids love bubbles. When I was little, I never went through a whole bottle of bubbles. They go through them in less than an hour.  I love it. 

My friend Wendell and I are going to the roof until church :)

Au revoir! :) 

Airplanes. Tap-Taps. and Hands.

Hello from Haiti and happy Easter!

 I honestly don't know where to start. We haven't even been here for 24 hours and I feel changed. 

We landed in Port Au Prince yesterday late in the afternoon. We were very happy after a loooong day of travel and some maintenance issues with our last plane. The airport was crowded and there was no real structure of claiming your bag... You just kinda search the floors and go. We walked outside and as soon as we stepped out onto the sidewalk we were greeted by my friend, Ben, and a group from Restore Haiti. It was so good to see familiar faces. After the hugs and hellos we walked to the van. On the way an older man grabbed me by the arm and started speaking to me in Creole. When he saw that I did not understand him, he said, "How are you?" and I replied, "I'm great. How are you?"... he looked at me and smiled the biggest kind of smile and said "I'm okay. I'm just so happy you're here. Thank you." Then he walked away. 

The trip from Port Au Prince to Jacmel is a 3 hour drive up a steep mountain. The traffic here is crazy. Lots of tap-tap buses. Tap-taps are Haiti's public transportation system. They are basically pick up trucks with rails on the side. They pile 20 people or so in (it's a tight fit...) and the people tap the truck when they want off. 

There are no driving rules here... the main goal is just to get to where your going without hitting something. Oh, and don't stick your hand out the window. The roads are very narrow and cars passing are only inches away from you. For the first 45 minutes or so I was on the edge of my seat as vans and tap-taps squeezed by us. 

Today is Easter. While I miss my family, I'm so so so glad to be here today. Church lasted about 3 hours and we spent an hour before hand running around with the kids. That was my favorite part. They take you into the kids' tent and they just mob you. They want to hold your hand, your arm, give you a hug and say "My name is..." or "Jesus loves you." We ran around outside and taught them how to play duck, duck, goose. In Creole it is Cannar, Cannar, Zwa. We blew bubbles, flew kites and carried them around. The language barrier makes me want to learn Creole so badly. At least I know how to say Hello and thank you (Thank you French class.) And I felt so blessed to be apart of Worship this morning.

After church we went to the ocean and saw Pastor Lafleur baptize a dozen people. While standing at the beach Pastor looked at me and said, "Sing, Callie." so... I sang. We prayed for people. I'm shocked at how welcoming people are. They want help so badly. 

Words don't even come close to describing what Haiti is right now.  A t.v. screen can't capture it... and even my brain is having trouble wrapping around the idea of how poor and hurt this country is. All I know is that God loves us. He loves all of us. He loves that little old man standing outside of the airport and loves each of the children's hands that I got to hold this morning. 

A little girl, Mikayla, stuck by me all morning. She was probably 5 or 6 years old. She held my hand for hours. Every once in a while she would pull up my hand next to her face and look at my ring. I love my ring. It's from an antique shop in Franklin, TN. God told me to give her that ring. I'm not going to lie, I hesitated. Like I said, I like that ring, but God kept insisting. So the next time she pulled my hand up to her face I let go of her hand. Pulled off my ring. I grabbed her hand and slipped it onto her tiny little finger. Her face LIT UP! She held out her hand admiring it and then tried to give it back. When I told her no, she smiled a big smile. She held on to that ring for dear life, keeping her thumb in place so she could know that it was still there. Jesus loves you, girl. 

I feel so thankful. I'm so glad that God made this possible. This week is going to fly by. Man, there are some cool people in this world. 

Restless.

Happy April Fools day, Blogger! No, I am not pregnant (although, that is a classic, I believe my mum would pee her pants... and that's not fun for anyone. ;) So far today I have found out that my friend, Kaley Kelsey, is moving to Alaska... then Kaley informed me that I am moving to Australia (Much better weather there.) and I found out that Felix is a she and she is expecting puppies. While none of that is actually true, my friends and I got quite the giggle out of it. 

2 more days until Haiti. 48 hours from now I will be sitting in an airport in Miami. I'm ready for this. 

God's showing me some things. We've been talking about our real-life heroes in our small group these last few weeks. It's crazy how some of those things change. If you would have asked me who my heroes were 5 months ago I would have had a completely different set of answers. Someone can promise to be something to you and change their mind. It's as simple as that. That's hard for me to understand. In a few short words, your world changes. I guess I'm stubborn and I don't like things changing. God ends relationships or removes people sometimes for a reason. I just don't like the sound that goodbyes make. Thank you, Jon McLaughlin, for understanding. Sometimes I remember how things used to be and wonder how we got to where we are now. Somewhere along the way we lost touch with who we were when we started. 

I need to quit rambling and just go write a song. I can feel it.

Patty Griffin "You'll Remember" 

Maybe one day along the way
You'll remember me on this island
Smiling at you how I used to
Maybe one day, you'll remember

And it won't be sad to think of all we had
All unhappy ends will be behind us then
Maybe one day along the way
You'll think of me, and you'll be smiling

Maybe one day, maybe one day
Maybe one day, you'll remember

I believe even if it's just a D.r.e.a.m.

After a few rainy days, the sun has decided to show it's face again. Thank goodness. I'm finding that the weather is beginning to play a large role in what kind of day I'm having. After this loooong winter, I've forgotten what it was like to leave the house without a coat. Now that I am seeing warm weather on the horizon it's hard to deal with these in between kind of days. I suppose I'm being a bit impatient... 

I blame it all on the tree that's in my front yard. When I moved into this house, it was November and chilly. Fall was coming to an end and the trees were mostly bare. We have this big tree that covers most of the front of the house. Honestly, I thought it was kind of annoying. It looked dead and kinda boring... but the other day I realized that this little tree is full of white flowery looking things that are starting to come out. Anyway, I'm horrible at describing it, but it's beautiful. Who knew I had a thing for trees... 

Felix and I are feeling antsy. He is tired of wearing sweaters outside to use the bathroom and I am tired of wrestling him to get them off.

Last night I sat in a living room full of people from my church that I love. It's a group that was started called "The Living Room" [How clever, right?] and it's for 20/30 year olds who are looking for some mentoring/prayer/hang time with some of the leaders in the church. 

One of the topics that we discussed was dreams. We went around in a circle and talked about what our dreams were. A lot of people confessed that they were too afraid to dream, some said they were waiting for their call, and some confessed that all they could do was dream. This made me think about who I was when I first moved to Nashville. I lived on dreams. I've been so blessed to see some of those dreams become a reality. I've been surrounded with people that have changed my life and the opportunity to be involved in the Christian Music Industry. It's been a blast, but I'd by lying if I told you that it didn't drain me a bit. When doors close it can be terrifying and it can feel an awful like rejection. I just hope I'm never too afraid to dream.

5 days until we leave for Haiti! I'm getting more and more excited every day. 

I just know that God's working A.L.L. things out. 

peace. (:

 

 

Get Up and Walk.

Have you heard? It's official. Spring is here. Today has Puffy Muffin and Motorcycle ride scribbled all across it's pages in my journal. It's too beautiful to keep Felix inside. I don't want him to miss this. Maybe I'll strap him to my back... I bet he'd love the wind in his face ;) kidding. kidding. ...kinda. 

Spring feels like waking up after a long nap. I don't want to sit still for fear of missing something. And today is a total Bethany Dillon-listening, shorts wearing, lay outside on the driveway kind of day. Hello, new day :) 

I woke up this morning with the sun hitting my face through the curtains. My Bible and journal laid next to my pillow. I have spent the last few nights crawling into my room a couple hours before I fall asleep to write and talk with God. It's been fantastic and refreshing. With only 10 days left on the countdown to Haiti, this time is precious to me. My heart speeds up when I think about it. I have no idea what we'll see. I have a feeling that what I expect to see will be shattered with the real picture of what Haiti is right now. Whenever I get nervous, my heart takes my mind back to the verse in Matthew 28: 19-20 "Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even until the end of the age."

I'm loving the group that I'll be traveling with. I'm loving the stories of the people that we'll be meeting there. I'm loving this time. 

My biggest fear is getting down there and not wanting to come home. Thankfully, I'll have a friend visiting when my plane lands... and a trip home to Iowa waiting for me :) 

Something I've found: Even when walking through times that feel like valleys, God provides. Sometimes in the weirdest ways too! The last couple weeks He's surprised me so much by the people He's brought into my life to keep me smiling. Even in the smallest things. A note, a package in the mail, a quick message, a phone call... I'm surrounded by amazing people and a God that gives me grace. 

I've found a new thing that I love: Getting random, [sometimes late] phone calls to tell me silly stories :) So please, keep them coming. 

"Feel the rise like the dawn over my cold and tired heart. What I thought I had lost finds me when I stop and listen." -Bethany Dillon. 

Thanks for the prayers and constant support :)

oh and p.s. I miss you, Torie. My keyboard is somehow still working even though I have flooded it with my tears. My chair however, is still broken. 

Firefly.

I have laughed a lot this last week. I have this dorky smile that refuses to leave my face no matter what I do. This hardly happens, but when it does... oh, dear. 

Enough of that. 

I've had my friend Kimberly in town for the last week visiting from my hometown Cedar Falls, Iowa. It's been great. It's given me an excuse to crawl outta my room and feel the sunshine on my face. And... showing off my favorite spots has reminded me again why I fell in love with this town in the first place.

We've hit all the cool spots, even found a new one- The Copper Kettle. I've seen this place, heard of this place, wanted to try this place... best decision. I love restaurants that have garage doors on the side so that people can sit outside and see the city. 

We have gone antique-ing out in Franklin, gone to a couple movies, walked around my favorite parts of this town and hung out with some of my favorite people. 

Yesterday was my favorite though. I had no idea how awesome Nashville's science center was. I lost myself for 3 whole hours. I ran from station to station rolling balls down different courses, relearning different things about gravity, the human heart, and sound waves. Things that I did when I was 10... but it all felt new. and fresh. I jungle-gymed my way up to the tip top of the science center. There's this green bubble like thing that sticks out at the top. Only one person can fit and you only have room to turn and look around. You can see everything.

There's also this table that has Google Earth on it. You can spin it from side to side, zoom in and out and tilt it to anywhere in the world. I went over Iowa. I started zooming in to see how far it would let me go.  I don't know why. I wanted to make it find Cedar Falls and when it did I squealed outloud, "Hey! That's my home!" I kept going closer and closer... then I could see streets.  Greenhill... University.... Rownd... and I kept zooming in. By golly. I found my home. Really. I mean I literally could see my house. I thought that was the coolest thing ever. 

It made me miss home a little so I... asked my friend, Brad, to take me back with him on his way home in April. It'll be a few days after I get home from Haiti. -Yes. Please.

Speaking of- 2 weeks from tonight my group and I will have traveled over the mountain and will be settling into our hotel in Jacmel. I can't wait. We had an informational meeting last Thursday. Philip just got back from Haiti a few days ago so he had a lot of stories to tell. I'm trying to prepare my heart for what I'll be seeing in Haiti, but... it's hard to know exactly. Good news is we will have internet! Bad news is I probably won't be spending my time sitting on my laptop. At least I'll be able to talk with my family some :) and maybe write up a blog or two.

Welp. It's time for this one to get some zzzz's. Tomorrow will be a good day even though they are predicting thunderstorms... But like I said, this smile just won't leave my face ;)  I can't help it. 

You make me happy to be alive. 

-Cal. 

The Right Words.

I woke up this morning thinking about words. When I write songs I think about words, so this isn't really anything new or exciting... but I was thinking about how much power they hold. I know I wrote about that in my last blog, but it stayed with me A.L.L. day. I mean, it absolutely blows my mind that someone can lead you somewhere with their words and empty promises. We believe words. We trust people by their words. Then in a matter of even a few minutes they can take their words back and you're left with nothing. That just doesn't seem right to me. Honestly, this made me want to zip my mouth for eternity. I'm not sure that I know what to do with the fact that my words can change something or.... someone. Maybe this doesn't make any sense. Maybe nobody else really even cares. Just thought it interesting. 

Then that made me think about words in songs... I always wonder what the artist was going through when he/she wrote it, but really.... today I would have given my right Tom shoe to have coffee with Rosie Thomas and ask her what was going on in her life when she wrote "It don't matter to the world if you walk out that door. This whole world just keeps spinning 'round, spinning round, like it did the day before. 'Cause to them it makes no difference. It just keeps on keeping time. It ain't gonna stop the world, but it will be the end of mine." I think that's the most honest lyric I've ever heard in my life.

I just want to know. 

I have so many questions. 

Like... 

Why does Felix have candle wax stuck in his fur?... I think that's what it is anyways...?

I will say this... you should probably listen to "Hold On" by Nichole Nordeman. And "It Don't Matter to the Sun" by Rosie Thomas.

-Callie. 

Maybe I am an introvert? Well, I have my days...

Today is a good day :) Happy Birthday, Tayah. Let me just say- I'm so glad you're on the earth. And I'm glad you're in my life. 

I've spent the last 2 days hiding out, drinking coffee, running, praying, and writing. Most of all I've just been avoiding being around people too much. I'm not usually an introvert... well, maybe I am sometimes. I think a good balance is healthy though...

I'm really just writing this to say... Hey! I'm back. Good to see yah. I will be nothing but smiles after this meeting that I'm heading out the door for... For it is full of making awesome plans and really, just cool people that I love hanging out with. Crema Coffee here I come. 

I woke up this morning reminded that words are so powerful. We can destroy or build with our words. Hurt or encourage. In a minute we can turn someone's day around for worse or for better.

I feel like picking up the phone and telling a certain person that I love them. 

.Unwritten.

I'm not even going to pretend that my heart feels in tip-top shape right now like it did when I woke up this morning. I wish it was... These last 10 months of my life have been a roller-coaster with more high's than low's. I have met people that make my heart smile and people that I hope to hold onto for the rest of my life. I've felt love that is unconditional and love that never leaves. I thank God every day for the opportunities He's given me in these last months. I don't think I've ever experienced peace in my life like the peace I've found in sharing Jesus with others through music and finding Him wrapped up in songs. There's really nothing like that for me. We all have our own ways of speaking with God and hearing Him... Mine usually comes through music. 

So, to be perfectly honest... but still be fair, I'll try to explain some of what's going on. 

I think it's the artist in me that feels this so deeply that it's hard to speak (or type) without tearing up...

During this season of my career I'm walking down roads with certain groups... Trying to figure out which is the path that God is calling me to. Sometimes I can get so lost and so confused. I can waste time listening to my own voice and trying to make my own plan rather than searching for God's... Let's be real- His is much cooler than mine could ever be. Sometimes I can just feel so sure I know where He's leading me...

So I've learned something today. It was a hard lesson to learn. No matter the length of time I spend walking down a road with someone in this business, no matter how safe I feel, and no matter how hard I work to try and make it fit... if it's not in God's plan for me (whether it be timing, or just not a good fit) no amount of pushing and trying will change the fact that it's just. not. His. plan. 

I'm not gonna lie. I'm feeling frustrated right now. More sad than anything else because I was honestly. just. excited. and I know that I'll truly miss it... 

This isn't a stopping point. God reminded me on the drive home today of the songs that are still unwritten. The people that I haven't met yet. The stories I haven't heard. The smiles I haven't seen. It's not over. Somehow, someway... I just know.

That's it for now. Tomorrow will be another sunny day here in Nashville and I plan on not wasting a minute of it. 

These are a few of my faVoritE things...

There are some things that A.L.W.A.Y.S. brighten up my day. No matter what the circumstances may be. Without words, these things just make me smile... 

Raising money for good causes. Saw this sign on a Starbucks tip jar. Genius.

"Ninjas kidnapped family. Need tips for $Karate Lessons$" 

Favorite Toms. 

Friends that always listen. Even when they're 600 miles away, they can make you feel like they're sitting in the chair right next to you... that's a friend. 

Ski Ballin'.

My brosiff's. 

Sitting in the kiddy seats at Maggie Moooo's. 

Noggin Bops.

Finding sweet greeting cards. "Do one thing every day that scares you" 

Frying pans? Oh, Iowa. 

Bongo Java. Music.

Crema Coffee. I mean, whoa.

Favorite shoes.

A Penny For Your Thoughts.

I heard a story tonight of a man who was rich. One day his friend saw him reaching down to pick up a penny that was laying on the sidewalk. His friend asked him, "Now, why on earth would you pick up that penny when you have all this money?! What does a penny matter?" The rich man replied "Well, I think sometimes it's easy to forget what the penny tells us. When I see a penny I am reminded of what it says right here, 'In God We Trust'. I feel that whenever I stumble upon a penny it is a little reminder from God that I need to slow myself down and trust him." 

My friend Toni shared this story with me and Kerstin tonight over sushi. She had just heard it earlier and thought it was kinda fun. It is fun, and it kind of changed the way I see pennys lying out on the sidewalk now. It kind of left me thinking...

I know that I tend to hold onto things that I shouldn't. I love to hold onto things like my old journals, my favorite chapstick, and my grandma's doll... I sometimes feel myself holding onto emotions that I shouldn't be holding to like hurt, bitterness, and other feelings that stand in my way of forgiveness. I hold relationships that are toxic for far longer than I should... and then I ask God why I feel like I'm stuck... swimming in the same ol' fish bowl. Isn't that just silly? I've spent so much time asking God 'What do I need to do to get unstuck and be freed from all of this worry?'... How was I to know that all along the answer was written across the loose change in my pocket. Trust God. That's all that matters. Let the rest G.O. 

 

Good. Night. :) 

.No Sign Of Rain.

Why, hello there Blogger.com. It's really nice to meet you. 

Right now I'm sitting in one of my favorite little coffee spots in Nashville called Fido's, and I'm trying to decide... How do you start off a blog? I feel like this first entry may be a little awkward, but if you know me at all you know that I'm not afraid of awkward moments. I embrace them, actually. 

Okay. Some background information. My name is Callie. I'm 20 years old. I'm an Iowa gal. I fell in love with music as a young'n, decided to listen to the dream that God placed in my heart and moved to the city of music  -n.a.s.h.v.i.l.l.e.-  when I was 18. I can't get through a day without Jesus. I love old pianos, iced chai tea lattes from Starbucks, and being greeted at the door by the most darling dog on this face of the universe. Felix. 

I feel like that covers most of it. 

Got to start the day off right today. A writing session at my second home Woodland Studios, with my good buddy, Greg LaFollette. I woke up this morning with a giant smile on my face. This usually happens when I know I have a co-write on the schedule... It may also have something to do with the fact that Nashville is starting to show some serious signs of Spring. I feel like life is showing some signs of Spring too. Lord knows, the last few months have felt like winter. Feeling pretty anxious for a change in seasons. New life. New start.  I think the song that was written during our writing session this morning reflects just that. The feeling that you get when you can FINALLY roll down your car windows and not freeze your bum off. When you can almost hear your flip flops calling out to you from behind the closet door. Hey, Nashville! It's Springtime :) 

Here's something crazy!- In 4 short weeks I'll be boarding a plane to Haiti with a group from my church, New River Fellowship. It seemed so far away until I was standing in the lobby of my room mates clinic waiting for my script for malaria pills. Honestly, this trip is going to take me so far out of my comfort zone. I mean, worlds away from my comfort zone. I just can't wait to see the face of the little girl that I've been able to sponsor. It will change me. Bring it. 

Life right now is full of changes. My plans change daily... I love it this way. Just when I think that I've got it all figured out... God's just good at keeping me guessing, I suppose. 

Alright, I think that's my first post? I hope it wasn't too awkward? Believe me, it could have been A LOT worse... I know some jokes. I think they're fantastic... but... maybe it's the delivery that I should work on? One is about these 2 muffins in an oven...... I guess I'll save that one for later maybe. 

I think I'll drive home with my windows rolled down...

-Cal.