This Friday night has me sitting in my living room. It is 11:05pm and the TV is showing me reruns of "That 70's Show". My guitar has been played, the dryer is running and my journal has been written in. This, ladies and gentlemen, is what I call a thrilling Friday night...

But in all seriousness, this is e.x.a.c.t.l.y. what I was envisioning when all my wonderful friends were discussing their weekend plans :) I'm loving the quiet. 

So tonight I learned a very important lesson. My friend, Katie, and I like to have random late night cookie baking events at my house. Usually these events aren't planned... or even discussed until our phones ring with a text that say something like: Bad day. Wanna bake?- and it's over. Bring on the sweet tea and cheap chocolate chip cookies that only require you to break it into pieces and throw them in the oven. Pretty soon it's 2 am and our days don't seem so bad... :) 

So my important lesson? We should really start planning these things... I left my house to grab cookies at 10pm... and it took f.o.r.e.v.e.r. to find an open grocery store. (Thank you, Wal-Mart...) How hard does it gotta be for a girl to find cookies? It was a close call... So I decided to stock up a bit. Left a note on fridge: Dear Roomy- Please excuse the large amount of Tollhouse Cookie Dough rolls in the fridge. It's been a minute. Knew you'd understand. - Cal. 

These last few weeks have been pretty crazy... staying busy with writing, traveling to Iowa, and with people that I love :) Every day God reminds me just how lucky a girl I am to have these people in my life...

Katie is here. The oven is pre-heating. And my laundry is in need of folding. Oh Happy :) 

This is where I promise to get better at writing more regularly. 

Peace. :) 

reason #203,944 why this is the best year of my life.

I was thinking about this on my way home tonight: This year is by far the most interesting year of my life. God's given me so many awesome opportunities. So many amazing people. So many hilarious (sometimes awkward) stories. Don't get me wrong- there have been some rough lessons and definitely some loss in this last year, but God wasn't kidding when He said He uses ALL things for our good. This makes all the crap totally worth it. 

Tonight. One of those hilarious... yet slightly not moments. For the last week we have had a photo shoot in the works. This shoot takes place tomorrow. I decided to go to a Kris Allen concert tonight at the Mercy Lounge in downtown Nash. When they found out I was only 20 they sent me to another line where a guy grabbed my hand and drew these lovely pictures on my little hands with the largest most permanent looking marker I've ever seen in my life:

Beautiful, huh? Sure it will translate onto camera well tomorrow. As he drew it on one hand I gasped. Before I could get a word out... both of my hands had large X's on them. Now listen, I TOTALLY understand why they do this. I'm all about it and had absolutely NO plans of getting into trouble so I didn't want to fight them... but I did care that I had 2 large X's on my hand... and I was slightly shocked because I didn't see that coming. No big deal, I guess. I will probably spend most of my night awake scrubbing them off. Who needs sleep? *sigh* 

So. I learned a lesson. 

Oh. It gets better: As I'm driving out of the venue my manager jumps in front of my car... so I rolled my window down and displayed my lovely hand-art. We sat there a few short minutes discussing the less painful ways of removing this before we see the photographer tomorrow morning. Joy. 

If anyone has any helpful ideas and would like to share before 8am tomorrow... give me a shout :) 

Thank you, God for keeping me guessing. It's never boring here.  

"What Would Katy Perry Do?"

I have not written in forever, blogger. And for this I am sorry. Things have been so busy, chaotic and just plain Cuh-Razy that whenever I think about writing, my brain starts to hurt. 

I guess it's a good thing to be busy though. I have been at writing sessions 3-4 times a week. It's been awesome, but after this many songs you start to ask God if there are any more songs that can be written. ;-)

But thankfully all of the people that I have been able to write with have been so awesome and I'm super glad to call them friends.  You learn a lot of things about people whilst writing. People do silly things to get inspired like tap the walls, pull out a mini baseball bat out of their bag, look out the window (this distracts me.), go to www.rhymezone.com, or eat a banana... (the banana is mine :-P) 

I'm also learning a lot about myself as an artist and a writer. I feel like these last few weeks have been really helpful in learning what's important to me and what music really is about. Does it mean having a radio single? Or singing something that stirs up my heart and the hearts of others?

I did have a co-write with a guy who was searching to have a #1 on the radio. That is definitely not an uncommon goal in Nashville. My heart told me to walk away when he suggested that I ask myself, "What would Katy Perry do?" whenever I was stuck on a line. For some reason that didn't sit well with me. Made me laugh, but not really my style. Why? Because I am not Katy Perry. Do I listen to her? Um. Sometimes when I'm jammin' in my car, but that's the extent of that. Oh. Silly pop writers. Thankful for the experience though... even though we have different tastes in writing, he really was a cool dude.  

It is officially summer here in Nashville. The weather has been in the 90's the last few days and today was a record high! I'm just hoping to have some time one of these days to lay out by the pool and enjoy it. :) We have been seeing a little rain almost every day though.

Yesterday I was outside pushing Olivia (the 2 year old that I nanny.) on the swing and I saw the most amazing sky. I have seen the sky plenty of times, but never like this. Half the sky was B.R.I.G.H.T. blue with the whitest clouds I've ever seen and the other half was dark and stormy. The dark clouds were just about to cover the sun and they literally looked like they were lined with silver where the sunlight was peaking out. That description doesn't even come close to what it was. In an instant it made me realize how small I really am (bring on the short jokes...) and how big God is. My little world is soooo puny in the scheme of things. My worries, my troubles, and even all the awesome things... are just a vapor. Here one day and gone the next. ...and now that may sound sad or depressing, but in that moment, I felt totally freed from the stress that I had been feeling. Thank You, Jesus. 

In the last few weeks I have lost some things. My car was totalled, my dog is staying somewhere else while I work these crazy 12 hour days, and any free time has vanished (minus the half hour of sleep that I'm missing to write this)... but I'm thankful for the reminder that these are all temporary things, there are greater things... and in the end, God is on our side. What else could possibly matter?

This is all quite ramble-esque, but hey... that's not unusual for me. ;) 

Praying for my friends. I miss you all terribly. I will come out from all of this busy-ness soon and I'm so thankful to know we will pick up right where we left off.

Good.Night. 

Honesty.

NewsFLASH: 

Sara Bareilles released her new single today. And it feels like Christmas. 

I wonder if it's a thing that only musicians do... or if all people count down song releases and wake up dancing when the glorious morning comes. 

I was not disappointed. I'm a huge fan of "King Of Anything". It's pretty much my last 6 months written into a song. Good job, Sara. I'm not even joking right now. Go listen. 

http://www.popeater.com/2010/05/10/sara-bareilles-king-of-anything/

It has inspired to write a real honest song today. It may even consist of a little bit of a 'tude. 

Good. 

Bring it. 

We. Are. Nashville.

These last few days have felt like a blur... but when I sit down and see all that still needs to be done and all of the buildings that are STILL under water... it makes me wish time would speed up. I'm starting to really miss my city just being okay. 

I've thought about leaving. I miss showers. Doing the dishes. Running the washer. Using the sink... but the truth is: I know I'm small ... and maybe I can't tear down walls (and should really stay away from people who are...), but I have two hands that work just fine and I know God has a purpose for me here. That's something I can't ignore. This is my home. This is something I've said for a long time... but now it's something that I know. Home is a place that you don't leave just because things get tough. Home is full of people that make you smile even when you wanna cry a little. This is home. 

Tons of benefits and concerts are already happening. Thousands and thousands of people are getting out every day to pick up... We are sharing our stories and listening... I love this. 

I just want to say this: I am SO proud to be apart of this town. 

-"I've never seen a community pull together so quickly after a disaster." - Anderson Cooper

So... We kind of rock, Nashville, and after the last few days... I'd say we definitely deserve a serious pat on the back. 

-Cal. 

P.s.- Heard this tonight and smiled... so true:

You know you're in Nashville when you find guitar picks in parking lots like others find pennies.

good.night. 

This is What I Know.

Nashville is hurting. As most of you have probably heard, our town has been hit with unbelievable flooding. 

I found myself holding my breath as we drove past downtown. I can't even tell you what it was like seeing the water rising up past the Country Music Hall of Fame and up over buildings on 1st and 2nd avenue. It seemed so quiet. That's not the Nashville that I know... but... this is my home. 

I don't know how to explain the emotions that are playing tug-of-war in my heart tonight... I am so thankful that my friends here are safe. I am so i.n.c.r.e.d.i.b.l.y. lucky to have a dry home for I know many who don't and have been crashing on couches... And we all know... there's really no place like home. I am thankful for electricity. I am thankful that Felix is with me. I am thankful that we are alive. 

At the same time... my heart is smashed. Half of this city is under water. At first I cried because I felt that all of the places that make this place so awesome have been destroyed... but then God reminded me that it is the people that I am in love with. The people make this place what it is. We will replace those buildings.  All while singing songs like "Chicken Fried", "Hicktown" and "She's Country" ... I'm sure. 

So in the craziness of what has been the last few days I have remembered the advice of a good friend and made lists in my mind of what I know.

I know that God is at work. Saving people's lives and stopping the water from rising any further.

I know that things that are held and buildings can be replaced.

I know that miracles are happening here ALL AROUND. It really is amazing.

I know that God works out all things for good and He hasn't forgotten us.

I know that Naomi Judd's fence broke during the flood and now Nashville has wild buffalo roaming the streets. 

I know that if any city can bounce back from a disaster like this - it's Nashville. 

And I know that my life will be changed.

I will never forget watching the news and seeing the footage of what was happening 10 minutes from my home. 

I will never forget driving by LP stadium and seeing it flooded with water.

Seeing boats used as transportation on the roads that I would drive down every day. 

Seeing photos of The Grand Ole Opry stage... and seeing that it is completely flooded with water. 

I know that God has made us promises. And I know that He will keep them. 

Psalm 9:9-10

 ⁹ The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, 
       a stronghold in times of trouble.

 ¹⁰ Those who know your name will trust in you, 

       for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

So now it is time for us to find our strength in God, stand up and show this flood what Nashville is made of. 

Like a Lake...

I've been back from Haiti for 2 weeks now. 16 days really. I hate to keep writing about how hard it has been adjusting back to this life. I mean for crying out loud... I grew up here and I've always lived this way. How does one week change everything? I don't know... I really don't... but it did. 

I feel like a real spiritual battle started in my heart the moment I stepped back into the U.S. I'm fighting this by making a choice to spend as much time talking with God and reading His word as often as possible. In every spare moment. Knowing that this will pass. My heart was broken in Haiti. I can't help but feel tremendous guilt as I lay in my large bed, food filling my cupboards, a family that loves, a roof over my head that I know will not cave in on me, and more than enough "things" cluttering up my home. 

I began to feel my heart shut down in some ways. It was overwhelming me and I just didn't feel like I had the time to deal with it. Words didn't seem to do the ache in my heart justice. I talked with my good friend Al, and he picked up on this and told me that while it is okay to hide out for a while and process these things... I should never shut God out. God's going to be pivotal in the healing and showing me what part I can play in the restoration of Jacmel. 

I feel like a curtain has been lifted and I have seen a whole new world. There are things that I like and things that leave me in tears. There is sin in both of our worlds. There is no hiding from it.

I think of heaven and it fills me with hope. Jesus has mansions up their for my friends in Jacmel. Our names are written there. What a day it will be when we see their faces as they first stand up on ground that doesn't shake. How great God is. 

So rather than think on the guilt. I will remember their joy. Their hands reaching up to the sky while they're singing, "My God has not forgotten me." So rather than shut up my heart... I want to lay it out.

I was listening to Sara Groves today in the car. Her song "Like a Lake" played, and while I have heard this song countless of times, it struck me in a totally different way. This helped me change my heart and my mind... I want to love and be like a lake. 

"Like A Lake" Sara Groves.

so much hurt and preservation 
like a tendril round my soul 
so much painful information 
no clear way on how to hold it 

when everything in me is tightening 
curling in around this ache 
I will lay my heart wide open 
like the surface of a lake 
wide open like a lake 

standing at this waters edge 
looking in at God's own heart 
I've no idea where to begin 
to swallow up the way things are 

everything in me is drawing in 
closing in around this pain 
I will lay my heart wide open 
like the surface of a lake 
wide open like a lake 

bring the wind and bring the thunder 
bring the rain till I am tried 
when it's over bring me stillness 
let my face reflect the sky 

and all the grace and all the wonder 
of a peace that I can't fake 
wide open like a lake 

everything in me is tightening 
curling in around this ache 
I am fighting to stay open 
I am fighting to stay open 
open open oh wide open 
open like a lake

So.

I am healing. God is doing a work on my heart... It's just going to take some time for me to fully process it all. 

Thank goodness for my friends who were with me on the trip. We have bonded over our homesickness for our Haiti friends and we have all felt the guilt.

Good news: 30 kids have been sponsored in the last 3 weeks!  30 kids! 30 more children are getting fed, going to school and getting clothed. Sweet. Sweet. Sweet. 

Check it out:

www.restorehaiti.epiccreativity.com