I believe even if it's just a D.r.e.a.m.

After a few rainy days, the sun has decided to show it's face again. Thank goodness. I'm finding that the weather is beginning to play a large role in what kind of day I'm having. After this loooong winter, I've forgotten what it was like to leave the house without a coat. Now that I am seeing warm weather on the horizon it's hard to deal with these in between kind of days. I suppose I'm being a bit impatient... 

I blame it all on the tree that's in my front yard. When I moved into this house, it was November and chilly. Fall was coming to an end and the trees were mostly bare. We have this big tree that covers most of the front of the house. Honestly, I thought it was kind of annoying. It looked dead and kinda boring... but the other day I realized that this little tree is full of white flowery looking things that are starting to come out. Anyway, I'm horrible at describing it, but it's beautiful. Who knew I had a thing for trees... 

Felix and I are feeling antsy. He is tired of wearing sweaters outside to use the bathroom and I am tired of wrestling him to get them off.

Last night I sat in a living room full of people from my church that I love. It's a group that was started called "The Living Room" [How clever, right?] and it's for 20/30 year olds who are looking for some mentoring/prayer/hang time with some of the leaders in the church. 

One of the topics that we discussed was dreams. We went around in a circle and talked about what our dreams were. A lot of people confessed that they were too afraid to dream, some said they were waiting for their call, and some confessed that all they could do was dream. This made me think about who I was when I first moved to Nashville. I lived on dreams. I've been so blessed to see some of those dreams become a reality. I've been surrounded with people that have changed my life and the opportunity to be involved in the Christian Music Industry. It's been a blast, but I'd by lying if I told you that it didn't drain me a bit. When doors close it can be terrifying and it can feel an awful like rejection. I just hope I'm never too afraid to dream.

5 days until we leave for Haiti! I'm getting more and more excited every day. 

I just know that God's working A.L.L. things out. 

peace. (:

 

 

Get Up and Walk.

Have you heard? It's official. Spring is here. Today has Puffy Muffin and Motorcycle ride scribbled all across it's pages in my journal. It's too beautiful to keep Felix inside. I don't want him to miss this. Maybe I'll strap him to my back... I bet he'd love the wind in his face ;) kidding. kidding. ...kinda. 

Spring feels like waking up after a long nap. I don't want to sit still for fear of missing something. And today is a total Bethany Dillon-listening, shorts wearing, lay outside on the driveway kind of day. Hello, new day :) 

I woke up this morning with the sun hitting my face through the curtains. My Bible and journal laid next to my pillow. I have spent the last few nights crawling into my room a couple hours before I fall asleep to write and talk with God. It's been fantastic and refreshing. With only 10 days left on the countdown to Haiti, this time is precious to me. My heart speeds up when I think about it. I have no idea what we'll see. I have a feeling that what I expect to see will be shattered with the real picture of what Haiti is right now. Whenever I get nervous, my heart takes my mind back to the verse in Matthew 28: 19-20 "Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even until the end of the age."

I'm loving the group that I'll be traveling with. I'm loving the stories of the people that we'll be meeting there. I'm loving this time. 

My biggest fear is getting down there and not wanting to come home. Thankfully, I'll have a friend visiting when my plane lands... and a trip home to Iowa waiting for me :) 

Something I've found: Even when walking through times that feel like valleys, God provides. Sometimes in the weirdest ways too! The last couple weeks He's surprised me so much by the people He's brought into my life to keep me smiling. Even in the smallest things. A note, a package in the mail, a quick message, a phone call... I'm surrounded by amazing people and a God that gives me grace. 

I've found a new thing that I love: Getting random, [sometimes late] phone calls to tell me silly stories :) So please, keep them coming. 

"Feel the rise like the dawn over my cold and tired heart. What I thought I had lost finds me when I stop and listen." -Bethany Dillon. 

Thanks for the prayers and constant support :)

oh and p.s. I miss you, Torie. My keyboard is somehow still working even though I have flooded it with my tears. My chair however, is still broken. 

Firefly.

I have laughed a lot this last week. I have this dorky smile that refuses to leave my face no matter what I do. This hardly happens, but when it does... oh, dear. 

Enough of that. 

I've had my friend Kimberly in town for the last week visiting from my hometown Cedar Falls, Iowa. It's been great. It's given me an excuse to crawl outta my room and feel the sunshine on my face. And... showing off my favorite spots has reminded me again why I fell in love with this town in the first place.

We've hit all the cool spots, even found a new one- The Copper Kettle. I've seen this place, heard of this place, wanted to try this place... best decision. I love restaurants that have garage doors on the side so that people can sit outside and see the city. 

We have gone antique-ing out in Franklin, gone to a couple movies, walked around my favorite parts of this town and hung out with some of my favorite people. 

Yesterday was my favorite though. I had no idea how awesome Nashville's science center was. I lost myself for 3 whole hours. I ran from station to station rolling balls down different courses, relearning different things about gravity, the human heart, and sound waves. Things that I did when I was 10... but it all felt new. and fresh. I jungle-gymed my way up to the tip top of the science center. There's this green bubble like thing that sticks out at the top. Only one person can fit and you only have room to turn and look around. You can see everything.

There's also this table that has Google Earth on it. You can spin it from side to side, zoom in and out and tilt it to anywhere in the world. I went over Iowa. I started zooming in to see how far it would let me go.  I don't know why. I wanted to make it find Cedar Falls and when it did I squealed outloud, "Hey! That's my home!" I kept going closer and closer... then I could see streets.  Greenhill... University.... Rownd... and I kept zooming in. By golly. I found my home. Really. I mean I literally could see my house. I thought that was the coolest thing ever. 

It made me miss home a little so I... asked my friend, Brad, to take me back with him on his way home in April. It'll be a few days after I get home from Haiti. -Yes. Please.

Speaking of- 2 weeks from tonight my group and I will have traveled over the mountain and will be settling into our hotel in Jacmel. I can't wait. We had an informational meeting last Thursday. Philip just got back from Haiti a few days ago so he had a lot of stories to tell. I'm trying to prepare my heart for what I'll be seeing in Haiti, but... it's hard to know exactly. Good news is we will have internet! Bad news is I probably won't be spending my time sitting on my laptop. At least I'll be able to talk with my family some :) and maybe write up a blog or two.

Welp. It's time for this one to get some zzzz's. Tomorrow will be a good day even though they are predicting thunderstorms... But like I said, this smile just won't leave my face ;)  I can't help it. 

You make me happy to be alive. 

-Cal. 

The Right Words.

I woke up this morning thinking about words. When I write songs I think about words, so this isn't really anything new or exciting... but I was thinking about how much power they hold. I know I wrote about that in my last blog, but it stayed with me A.L.L. day. I mean, it absolutely blows my mind that someone can lead you somewhere with their words and empty promises. We believe words. We trust people by their words. Then in a matter of even a few minutes they can take their words back and you're left with nothing. That just doesn't seem right to me. Honestly, this made me want to zip my mouth for eternity. I'm not sure that I know what to do with the fact that my words can change something or.... someone. Maybe this doesn't make any sense. Maybe nobody else really even cares. Just thought it interesting. 

Then that made me think about words in songs... I always wonder what the artist was going through when he/she wrote it, but really.... today I would have given my right Tom shoe to have coffee with Rosie Thomas and ask her what was going on in her life when she wrote "It don't matter to the world if you walk out that door. This whole world just keeps spinning 'round, spinning round, like it did the day before. 'Cause to them it makes no difference. It just keeps on keeping time. It ain't gonna stop the world, but it will be the end of mine." I think that's the most honest lyric I've ever heard in my life.

I just want to know. 

I have so many questions. 

Like... 

Why does Felix have candle wax stuck in his fur?... I think that's what it is anyways...?

I will say this... you should probably listen to "Hold On" by Nichole Nordeman. And "It Don't Matter to the Sun" by Rosie Thomas.

-Callie. 

Maybe I am an introvert? Well, I have my days...

Today is a good day :) Happy Birthday, Tayah. Let me just say- I'm so glad you're on the earth. And I'm glad you're in my life. 

I've spent the last 2 days hiding out, drinking coffee, running, praying, and writing. Most of all I've just been avoiding being around people too much. I'm not usually an introvert... well, maybe I am sometimes. I think a good balance is healthy though...

I'm really just writing this to say... Hey! I'm back. Good to see yah. I will be nothing but smiles after this meeting that I'm heading out the door for... For it is full of making awesome plans and really, just cool people that I love hanging out with. Crema Coffee here I come. 

I woke up this morning reminded that words are so powerful. We can destroy or build with our words. Hurt or encourage. In a minute we can turn someone's day around for worse or for better.

I feel like picking up the phone and telling a certain person that I love them. 

.Unwritten.

I'm not even going to pretend that my heart feels in tip-top shape right now like it did when I woke up this morning. I wish it was... These last 10 months of my life have been a roller-coaster with more high's than low's. I have met people that make my heart smile and people that I hope to hold onto for the rest of my life. I've felt love that is unconditional and love that never leaves. I thank God every day for the opportunities He's given me in these last months. I don't think I've ever experienced peace in my life like the peace I've found in sharing Jesus with others through music and finding Him wrapped up in songs. There's really nothing like that for me. We all have our own ways of speaking with God and hearing Him... Mine usually comes through music. 

So, to be perfectly honest... but still be fair, I'll try to explain some of what's going on. 

I think it's the artist in me that feels this so deeply that it's hard to speak (or type) without tearing up...

During this season of my career I'm walking down roads with certain groups... Trying to figure out which is the path that God is calling me to. Sometimes I can get so lost and so confused. I can waste time listening to my own voice and trying to make my own plan rather than searching for God's... Let's be real- His is much cooler than mine could ever be. Sometimes I can just feel so sure I know where He's leading me...

So I've learned something today. It was a hard lesson to learn. No matter the length of time I spend walking down a road with someone in this business, no matter how safe I feel, and no matter how hard I work to try and make it fit... if it's not in God's plan for me (whether it be timing, or just not a good fit) no amount of pushing and trying will change the fact that it's just. not. His. plan. 

I'm not gonna lie. I'm feeling frustrated right now. More sad than anything else because I was honestly. just. excited. and I know that I'll truly miss it... 

This isn't a stopping point. God reminded me on the drive home today of the songs that are still unwritten. The people that I haven't met yet. The stories I haven't heard. The smiles I haven't seen. It's not over. Somehow, someway... I just know.

That's it for now. Tomorrow will be another sunny day here in Nashville and I plan on not wasting a minute of it. 

These are a few of my faVoritE things...

There are some things that A.L.W.A.Y.S. brighten up my day. No matter what the circumstances may be. Without words, these things just make me smile... 

Raising money for good causes. Saw this sign on a Starbucks tip jar. Genius.

"Ninjas kidnapped family. Need tips for $Karate Lessons$" 

Favorite Toms. 

Friends that always listen. Even when they're 600 miles away, they can make you feel like they're sitting in the chair right next to you... that's a friend. 

Ski Ballin'.

My brosiff's. 

Sitting in the kiddy seats at Maggie Moooo's. 

Noggin Bops.

Finding sweet greeting cards. "Do one thing every day that scares you" 

Frying pans? Oh, Iowa. 

Bongo Java. Music.

Crema Coffee. I mean, whoa.

Favorite shoes.